Why is Bill Gates house so cold? Because he forgot to install windows.

How many computer programmers (sorry, software developers) does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's a hardware problem.

A hot-air balloonist realises he is lost, so he reduces height to ask directions from a man on the ground:
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
"Yes", says the man below. "You're in a hot-air balloon hovering about 30 feet above this field".
"You must work in computers" says the balloonist.
"I do", replies the man. "How did you know?".
"Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone".
The man below is miffed. "You must work in business as a manager", he says.
"I do", replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?".
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault".

Someone has sent me this picture of an MS keyboard.

Someone has supplied me with the source code to W**dows XP:

#include <windows.h>
#include <system_errors.h>
#include <stdlib.h>

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

main()
{
    if (detect_cache())
        disable_cache();

    if (fast_cpu())
        set_wait_states(lots);

    set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
    set_mouse(action, jumpy);
    set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);

    printf("Welcome to Windoze 3.999 (we might get it right \
        or just call it Chicargo)\n");

    if (system_ok())
        crash(to_dos_prompt);
    else
        system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

    while(1) {
        sleep(5);
        get_user_input();
        sleep(5);
        act_on_user_input();
        sleep(5);
        if (rand() < 0.9)
            crash(complete_system);
    }
    return(unrecoverable_system);
}

I'm not sure I approve of the MS bashing. Send me some Mac or Linux jokes please.